We're hoooommme!!...now what?!

OK. Wow. Where do I begin? I realize that I have not updated since we went to go get Ephraim and I will share about our trip hopefully soon. Too often blogs are about all of the "happy" things that happen in an adoption. If we are facebook friends, this may confuse you. If we are family and you did not know, I was not ready to share. Please do not misunderstand me or my compassion for what E has gone through. He is an amazing child and I do not blame him for any "issues" we had or have.

I am brutally honest at times. Today is one of those times.

Our agency, Holt International has a magazine that they send out. I read an article in their most recent on (Mar/Apr 2013) titled "A Different Kind of "Mother's Day" Story" and it really struck home. I thought "wow, this is SO me" and I think it's time to share a bit of what's been going on in my life and in the Turner home these past two months.

While in Ethiopia, we all had an excitement about what was going on. The language barrier was...um HUGE. When we would attempt to read an Amharic phrase from our little book, we got a blank look most of the time. Not sure if it was because he did not know those words or if we were just saying it really badly! Thankfully, there was almost always someone to translate for us.


Once we got home....

If you read (or are now going to read) the said article, you may think I am copying her a bit, I am not, our experience really is that similar.  We read countless books on adoption and the coping and grief and attachment issues that go along with it...BUT it was always about the child. We expected temper tantrums and were told to have "time ins" and to hug the child to reassure them we love them. OK, how about sulking because we made a slight correction or said "no"? And I mean sulking and jerking his head away if we attempted eye contact...for hours. So we tried a "time in" and hugging...oh wait, THAT'S where the temper tantrums come in! Have you ever tried to hug a 5 year old to comfort them and they flailed their arms and legs and screamed so loud and shrill that it hurt your ears? I have. Have you ever been rejected by someone that you tried SO hard to have in your life for SO long? I have. For "those that know", you're saying "he's grieving". That doesn't help a hurting heart that just wants to love and to be loved.

After about a week home while having dinner, we had what we call "an episode". While in Ethiopia, we were served mixed vegetables and he ate them up. So, when I went grocery shopping, I purchased mixed vegetables thinking he would love them. I also bought sweet potatoes and he drooled over them all week. So, we're sitting to dinner and he has some steak and a sweet potato on his plate. He is diving into the potato. I place a spoonful of mixed veggies on his plate and he protests. I say "just try" but soon realize that he doesn't understand that and said he didn't have to eat them (which he also did not understand)...but it was too late. He pushes his plate away. I flip out. I'm hurt because I bought them just for him and in my exhausted mind, his rejection of the veggies is his rejection of me. I yelled "fine! I'll take them off" and I took them off. But he was already crying. Chris tried to comfort him while I went into the kitchen, out of sight to sob uncontrollably. He would not be comforted. He went to bed with only a few bites of sweet potato.

We were still trying to co-sleep at that time...which means one of us sleeps in his bed while the other sleeps in our bed with him (due to his aerobatic sleeping). I volunteered to sleep in his bed and cried myself to sleep. I woke up the next morning terribly sad and didn't quite know why. E was in a fantastic mood. I couldn't look at him without tearing up. I felt a horrible guilt. I kept thinking that I was not supposed to be his Mama. I turned on the TV so we wouldn't have to look at each other. Like I said, he was in a great mood, he snuggled up next to me in the chair. I wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep away the next few years. I finally fell asleep for about 20 minutes and when I woke up, I felt great. This happened off and on for the next couple of weeks. There was even a time when I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed after letting in the dogs with muddy feet.

I was not me. He wasn't letting me be his Mama. We simply co-existed. Once, he opened the garage door and was just hanging out in the driveway to "run away" from me. When I discovered this I became furious because he did not realize how dangerous it can be and I wanted to keep him safe...yet once inside, I wanted to throw him out the window and let someone else care for him. This was not the first time he had "run away" from me but it was the first time it was from the house. I had been on a roller coaster of emotions for the months leading up to getting him and I just wanted off! I did not even realize that I had only been on the kiddie coaster.


It's hard to gather my thoughts on this subject.

All of the books talked about how it can be difficult for a child to attach to new parents because they have been "passed around" for so long leading up to placement. The books didn't say anything about how parents will have trouble attaching to the child, especially an older child. Love at first sight does not exist. It is so very difficult to love a child that does not love you back. To love a child that does not let you comfort him, or hold him, or even play with him. I would force play with him, and while he seemed to be having fun, I felt like I was putting on a show and faking my enjoyment.

I had to force myself to engage with him. To give hugs and kisses. To play. To talk to. To do more than co-exist. I had to forgive myself each and every time I lost my temper or had thoughts of "maybe he would have been better off with someone else" or "OH GOD WHAT DID YOU LET ME DO?!".  That self forgiveness (combined with a mild sleep aid from the Dr) brought so much joy to our home.


As my parents can attest, I am extremely stubborn. I believe God made me stubborn for so many reasons. You have to be stubborn to stay and thrive in a military marriage.  You have to be stubborn to stick it out through a three year adoption process. And, Ephraim is really stubborn....but not as stubborn as me. He will wear his seat belt. He will not bite, kick, pinch, hit or spit at me while I make him strap in and stay strapped in (even if he didn't get his way and get the orange colored energy drink can).

Now, our home is full of giggles and singing and lots of booty shaking. Sure there are still some fits and crying and screaming but at least it's all him and not me! While I know it is petty, my heart lights up when he says "Thank you Mama" when I cook him dinner. Or when I tell him we have a soccer game later and he says "YES! YES!" and gives me a hug. Of course I do not expect it to last long but I love that he appreciates ME. He loves giving hugs and lots of kisses. The open expression of his love for me is helping me love him more and more each day. His ever expanding understanding of English is a huge factor in all of this. Most of the tantrums were over misunderstanding. While I cannot say we are "there" yet, we are feeling more and more like Mama and son.

I am feeling more like myself. I don't feel crazy guilty ashamed anymore. There is so much more to this story, to my story but that may be for another blog, another day.
 

Ethiopia Day 3

It's been about two months since we've returned home from Ethiopia and as you know, it's taken me quite some time to blog about our short trip. Honestly I've been hesitant because it brings back so many emotions...especially our last day. Yup, already feeling it...

Wednesday started much earlier for me than the other days. I woke up around 4am and could not fall back asleep. I began thinking about all that had happened and what was to come and well, any mom's out there will know. Ever seen the movie "I don't know how she does it" with Sarah Jessica Parker? She visualizes a list of things that need to be done as she lies in bed...it was kind of like that.  I heard music playing and I thought it was the cook preparing breakfast. (more on that later)
I pulled out my kindle around 5am. At about 5 till 6am, Chris rolled over and I told him what time it was...he looked at his watch, nope! 5 till 5am! I got up at 3am!!! Breakfast wasn't until 7am. Oy vey...

When we got downstairs I was talking with Mimi about my early morning and I mentioned the music that I thought was coming from the kitchen. She said "That was me!!, I couldn't sleep either, you should have come down and talked to me!" UGH! What a missed opportunity! Next time I'm seeking out the music!!

After breakfast we went up to Entoto. It's a mountain that has the royal palace (big fancy hut) of King Menelik II, just click on it to find out! :P We were unable to take pictures in the museum itself but we were able to take photos of the grounds.


Our tour guide Moges in front of the museum



Moges was awesome. Usually you have to ask if you can take a picture of someone, he asked to take a picture with us! Then he gave us his address so we could sent it to him. He started teaching me some basics of writing Amharic and I have the task of signing my name in Amharic when I sent the photo! Yikes!

It was so beautiful up there. No smog, no traffic, just lots of trees and fresh air! The mountain was covered in Juniper and Eucalyptus trees.

A view from the top! Addis Abeba below



We were very high up as you can see. Addis is already 8,000 feet above sea level. Thankfully we didn't have to do too much physical activity. ;)


First Christian church in Addis

The king's house

The king's dining room, kitchen, grand hall with the guest house in front



After our tour of Entoto, we went back to the guest house for lunch. After lunch, one last visit to Miskaye to see Ephraim. The director had told Ephraim that we would be there after lunch. So like any five year old, he thinks that as soon as he's done eating we will be there. We actually arrived about an hour after he ate lunch. We stopped on the way to buy some oranges and bananas (burtuken and muz) for the kids so that delayed us a bit more. The first two days he had been waiting for us to arrive. This day however, they had to search for him. The place is not that big so it wasn't difficult. They found him on his bed, he had cried himself to sleep because he though we were not coming. We were sitting on chairs when he came out. He was frowning and his shirt was wet with tears. He came straight to me and sat on my lap. I gotta admit, my new mommy heart went YES!

I wish I could show you the photos of his sad little face and then his happy face after he ate an orange! :P

We think he knew it was our last day because he was very cuddly and rarely left our laps (just like Zone with his parents the day before). We got out the photo album and I filmed as Chris went through each photo saying names as he repeated. Of course it was dead quiet until I turned the camera on! ha! Then we cuddled some more and he watched the videos we had on our camera. Some were of his cousins on our Florida vacation last April, he loved these! Then it got to videos we had taken there. I thought that as soon as he saw himself playing soccer he would go get his ball, nope. Same with videos of his batmobile, nope. He just stayed on my lap and watched.

When it came time for us to leave, I reluctantly passed him off to Chris and went into the office to try and get someone to tell him that we had to leave but that we would be back. I started crying as I walked to the office but some hilarious ladies in there cheered me up!
They offered me some food, looked like chunky salsa on injera so a very talkative (in Amharic) girl fed me a bite. (feeding someone a bite is a sign of respect, Moges said he feeds his wife every day :) ) I bit down and immediately felt the heat of the peppers in there and of course my eyes bulged and everyone laughed. Through hand motions, I told them my mouth was on fire and they thought it was hilarious. Then ANOTHER BITE! Oy! My nose started running and tears came to my eyes. One of the girls gave me a hello kitty tissue. Finally the manager got off the phone and I was able to stop eating the fire food.
She came with me and explained to Ephraim what was happening and I think he understood. He hugged and kissed us and I pryed myself away. When we got to the car I was crying but hoping my sunglasses covered it. I waved goodbye to Ephraim and then turned to the girls waving from the office and motioned that my mouth was still on fire. The laughter was a good distraction but it was so very difficult to say goodbye to my little boy. We blew kisses to each other until we pulled out of the gate and out of sight.

Yup, I'm crying. We are finally at the last stage and all we need is the go ahead to come get him and have our final interview with the US Embassy. We found out a few days ago that things may not have been fully handled properly by the original social worker that took Ephraim (as well as other children) into care. Nothing illegal but it will delay us (hopefully) only a couple weeks. The benefit is that now we will get a video of an interview of his birth mother (and yes, translated by either voice over or subtitles).

So there is day three and a small update of where we are now. Please pray for patience in us and for protection over Ephraim. There are some infections and parasites going around his care center and the sooner we can get him out of there, the sooner he can be treated.

Ethiopia Day 2

Ok we're not even going to talk about how long it's been and when I should have written this. Forgive and forget right? :P Blogger is having issues and not letting me load pictures. Hopefully I can try again in a week or so. Sorry :(

The second day started a bit like the first, up before the "wake-up" call, ugh. We left early to visit Ephraim at his care center. The boys were waiting for us again, ready to play and get some much needed attention. Don't get me wrong, the nannies do a great job and they know every child's name but there is only so much attention they can show when they are so out numbered. Ephraim was more comfortable with us but still so very quiet! We went into his room to hang out and get out of the sun. We took some pictures and then he decided it was his turn to be the photographer. He took lots of pictures. We were getting bored but he was loving it. Once he came over to me to show the pic he just took and it had timed out. So, I hit the necessary buttons to bring it back and from then on he knew just what to do and hit those buttons every time to show us his handy work. He's so stinkin smart!

One of his better ones, most were of our feet!

After about a million photos of our legs and feet, I decided it was time to bring out the bat mobile! I wish I could show you a picture of his face when he saw it move on it's own! Again, bragging about his power of observation...the bat mobile came with three barrels with a joker sticker on one end. I first placed them on the ground sticker side up and lined up the car to hit them. From then on, when he would set them up, he would make sure they were sticker side up. I didn't show him that's what he should do or even point out the stickers, he did it on his own. Brilliant I say, just brilliant!

He wanted a picture of his new toy!

We were informed that since September, he has been attending Grade 1 in school (NOT our first grade but more like a Pre-K/Kindergarten). He has been learning how to write his name in Amharic. Earlier that day we had Mimi, the guest house owner, write his name in Amharic for us. Once we showed it to him, he grabbed the pen, flipped the page and started showing off his skills. Sure the first time he wrote it he left out a letter but that's normal. The other times he wrote it correctly. ;) He and Chris did some doodles together and of course I got it on video like any good mother should. tehe

So then we played some soccer, then bat mobile, then back to soccer. With him being used to living and playing at 8,000 feet above sea level, this super kid is gonna kill me when we get back!

I went into the office to talk to the director for a bit while Chris and Ephraim were playing soccer. While in there, they got out his photo album. Chris started saying "mommy" and "daddy" when pointing to our photos and soon enough he started repeating him! Chris called me out and I knelt down to him in order to hear his tiny voice. Chris pointed to me and said "who's that?" so naturally Ephraim said "who's that" HA! Then Chris said "mommy" and he repeated "mommy", then he pointed to himself without saying anything and Ephraim said "daddy", then back to me "mommy", then to him "Ephraim".  It was so great having that be the first thing you hear your child say!

Then, it was time to leave. :( I bent down and gave him a hug and he gave me two huge wet kisses on my cheek and the same with Chris.  It was much harder to leave this time.

Once back at the guest house we had a traditional coffee ceremony. Well, sort of. We didn't do any research on it until afterwards and the girl making the coffee didn't speak much English. In a coffee ceremony you drink three cups and each serving has a different name, the last means "blessing".  The other couples were visiting their babies in the afternoon so they left after the first cup. We got full and stopped at the second. So much for our blessing! Hahaha! We'll do better next time!

The hut at the guest house

All ready for the coffee ceremony

beautifully decorated!

After coffee we did some great shopping and let me tell you, I could have bought a lot more stuff!!  I just need to realize that maintaining his culture isn't going to be solely in a wall painting or a dress. The hard part was dealing with the begging children. We were informed ahead of time that there would be children and mothers and a few adults begging for money or food. We were told that if we did give them something then there would instantly be a dozen more, even if you only saw one to begin with. We were more than welcome to give something but "warned" of the side effects. So what do you do? Give food or money to a starving child then be swarmed by dozens more or not give anything? As soon as we got to the first store there were about three people asking for something. A mother with a baby, and two children. One of the children had been severely burned on their face. It was near impossible to maintain my composure. I decided to wait until we were about to leave. We finished our shopping and a little girl was walking back to the van with me saying "please miss, pretty miss" trying to get me to buy gum. Then we were joined by another girl. The others had already left, I believe Zone's mom gave some granola bars out. Once everyone was in the van, I gave each of the girls a birr and hopped in. Before we could pull out there were several more begging for money.  You know that the country is stricken with poverty, it's one of the reasons for adopting from there but you just don't realize how bad it is until you have a dozen tiny hands reaching for something you can't solve with a few bucks and a granola bar.

For dinner we went to a touristy restaurant called Lod Abyssinia. They have traditional music, singing and dancing. It was incredible. I loved getting to see the positive side of the rich, ancient Ethiopian culture.

One of the traditional singers :)

Ethiopia Day 1

It's been two weeks since we got back and I'm finally getting around to writing about our trip. Hey at least I posted pictures on facebook and walmart the next day! I had a feeling this would happen and I came prepared. I brought a journal with me and attempted to put my thoughts to paper. This post I'm calling "day 1" but it is actually the first three days. So here goes nothing...

It took us 28 hours to get to Ethiopia. From the time we arrived at the airport in Kansas City to the time we left the airport in Addis Ababa was a whopping 28 hours! Ouch. We were very excited about going but not about the travel time. Our first flight was from Kansas City to Chicago, a 1 1/2 hour flight.. 

YAY!!

Yay!

 

 Then after a two hour layover, we were off to Frankfurt, Germany, an 8 1/2 hour flight...






We arrived in Frankfurt at 5:45 local time. We found a restaurant to hang out in and eat a little (they fed us a lot on the plane). Then we were boarding on our final flight to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia with a slight layover in Khartoum, Sudan. We didn't get off the plane in Khartoum, some people got off, some got on and we refueled. With the over one hour stop in Khartoum, this flight was 7 1/2 hours...

ummm

yay?



 

We got off the plane and went straight into a line for visas. The line took forever but when we got in there I finished first because the clerk was trying to flirt with me haha! Then straight from that line to the one where they check your passports, then straight to baggage claim (it really is a small airport!), and right next to baggage claim was the bank window where we could exchange our money. The exchange rate was 18:1 so we came out of there with several thousand birr! To give you an idea of the cost of things, a liter of soda is 25 birr.

Then we walked out and saw our driver holding a sign that said Holt. We waited with another couple while yet another couple was going through the same process we had just done. By the time we left the airport it was after 9:30pm local time. We were pretty wiped!

 

We got to the guest house, Lucy Land and Chris tried to get online while I attempted a shower. The mount for the shower head holds it pointing straight out. The water blew straight through the curtain and started flooding the bathroom! Oy. So I hurriedly turned it off and got the shower head off it's holder and attempted to wipe up the floor with towels. Then the tub wasn't draining! So I redressed and went down and asked for help. Why couldn't Chris have been the one to shower first?!! Everything got fixed and we settled in for the night.

 

So, official Ethiopia day 1, which by the way felt like 3 days!  We got up early, our wake up call had been set for 6am. Chris woke up, looked at his watch and rolled over and woke me up. I looked at his watch and said "babe, it's 5" he replies "oh crap, it is". Ugh. So we listened to the echo of the morning calls to prayer going throughout the city. Then Chris turned on the tv and it was a Christian gospel music video that drowned out the calls to prayer. I'm not usually like this but I said "ha! take that Allah!".  We'll call it jet lag.

 

We went down to the complimentary breakfast in the guest house restaurant and ate waaay too much! So yummy! And the coffee! OH don't even get me started on the coffee!! Fun fact: The origin of coffee is in Ethiopia. Yum. After breakfast our Holt driver was waiting to take us (five families in all) to the Holt Ethiopia office.  There we got our briefing and were able to review our respective child's file. In Ephraim's file was his birth certificate and also a very small photo of his mother. I took photos of course. :)

 

From there we split up and were driven to our child's care center (we were spread out to three different ones). There was another couple at our care center who are adopting a 4 (probably closer to 6) year old boy from the same region as Ephraim. That was comforting to know that there was a possibility of someone else there that spoke the same language. They had come earlier and visited their son Zone on Saturday so he already knew who they were. When we pulled into the small courtyard, I was the last to get out of the van. The boys were sitting there waiting for us. Since they already knew who Zone's parents were, Ephraim walked straight up to Chris and gave him a hug!! Can you believe it!?! By the time I got to him, he let me hug him. haha!

 

We went inside their bedroom and discovered that Zone and Ephraim share a bed! How fantastic! Chris pulled out the clothes we brought him but didn't expect his response or he might have done it in a different order! First the socks, Ephraim took off his shoes and put on the socks, then the new shoes...he put on the shoes and put his old ones under the bookshelf of clothes, so well trained! Sometime during the shoes I decided to video tape. Then the shirt came out of the bag and instantly Ephraim took his shirt off and changed. Then the pants...that's when I turned off the camera...he didn't have underwear on HA! So with his shorts around his ankles, he, Chris and the Holt doctor took off his shoes. I have a picture of him showing off his new clothes, he was so happy. AND he "folded" up his old clothes and put them back on that bookshelf of clothes! I need these nannies to train Chris!

 

We brought him a small soccer ball and played with that for nearly an hour. We got nice and sweaty before going to court! We had lots of fun with him. He's so focused. We were able to break him away from the soccer ball long enough to show him the photo album we brought him, he didn't show much interest in it, he was ready for soccer again. ha! When we left hugged Chris again (of course, he gave him all the presents!) and let me hug him. He was smiling so big and waving as we got into the van. He had his soccer ball tucked under his arm and was sitting down at a desk to look at the photo album.

 

From there we went to court. It didn't look anything like a courthouse, just a building. We were in a waiting room next to a small office. When it was our turn we went into the office (several couples at a time) while the judge asked us questions. All of the answers were some form of "yes" and wham bam thank you ma'am just like that she says "ok he is your son".  It took less than five minutes.

 

We went back to the guest house, ordered some lunch then went out for some shopping. We went to a leprosy hospital/hospice compound. They have a little shop where they sell goods that they make and some that they don't. We stocked up on traditional clothing and a few souvenirs. Then back to the guest house for dinner and just hanging out for the rest of the night. We were exhausted, physically and emotionally and like I said, that one day felt like three.



Getting Ready

Travelling to another country requires a lot of planning and preparation for anyone. Having two week's notice AND being in the Army (and not on orders) requires just a bit more!

Typical planning and prep: purchase plane tickets, purchase new suitcase (if needed), purchase travel size toiletries and what nots, purchase culturally appropriate clothing, purchase, purchase, purchase...noticing a theme here?

We've also been purchasing some clothing for Ephraim. We have a couple pairs of pants and a few short sleeved shirts (he's wearing sweats and crocs in his photo). I hate crocs. Hate. Have you ever been in a crocs store? It gave me a headache. They're great for kids but even then only when going to the beach or pool. They always go flying off when the kids run, how is that safe?! Anyways, I had a hard time figuring out what size to buy him. I did a facebook pole and GEESH! Ok, friends that know your children are giants, don't even bother to tell me their size, seriously. And I got a lot of "just buy him flip flops or crocs" Or "buy them there". Yes, flip flops and crocs are forgiving in size and yes, Africa does have shoes to buy.  BUT, I want him to have shoes he can run in without them falling off. AND we see him on our first day for a few hours and don't know if we will see him after that. SO, we need to bring the shoes with us. I decided on one pair each of size 11 and 12. So we are bringing him pants, shirts, shoes, socks and underwear. All of these will be left behind when we bring him home so we'll have to do this again in a few months! We are also bringing him a small photo album of the family, our house, his room not sure if we'll put the dogs in there yet (cultural thing, new blog post). As well as a recordable story book with us reading it.

Other preparations include getting necessary immunizations. In our case yellow fever is required. Other recommended shots...typhoid, hepatitis A and B, tetanus, polio, meningitis and for high risk areas, rabies. Well thankfully, we're not going to a high risk area so rabies is out. Hep A & B we got when we moved to Germany, as well at tetanus. Polio, you get that as a kid...that leaves yellow fever, typhoid and meningitis.  Chris was deployed all last year so he only needed yellow fever. Punk. Typhoid is only good for two years and I last had it in early 2002. Ugh. Typhoid hurts, I remembered that even ten years later. I yelled when she stuck me with yellow fever...Chris went next and made fun of me.  -They put the yellow fever shot in the fat of your underarm (not armpit, granny arm area). Of course I have more fat there than Chris so it hurt me more...even left a purple bruise the size of a quarter.-  Typhoid went in the same arm and meningitis on the right. It hurt to move my arms around that day and most of the next (yesterday). Well during the night I noticed that my right arm was really hurting where the shot went in. And I feel like poo. I looked it up, yeah, I'm feeling all the common side effects of the meningitis shot. Headaches, body aches, low fever, sore throat...even as I type I keep getting cold, then sweating. All that complaining I did about how the yellow fever and typhoid hurt, it's the meningitis that is kicking my butt.  It should only last a few days. It had better be gone by Sunday, we have tickets to the Bengals game (Who Dey!).

For those of us with dogs, getting them up to date on their shots is necessary as well. We don't usually kennel them so they all needed the kennel cough vaccine. We are placing them with a dog sitter that keeps them in her home without cages. :) We already had her booked for the week of Thanksgiving so I just moved it to the next week.

So, purchases check, shots check, dogs check...online SERE training, leave packet signed and approved, foreign country brief and who knows what else...check?  I know Chris did about 3 hours of the wrong online training...then about 2 of the correct one. Leave packet is done but now he's doing a different one?? He got his brief yesterday but if Ethiopia goes up another threat level he can't travel there....

Oh the Army makes things so much funner!!

We also purchased (there's that word again) some fun party favors for the kids at the orphanage. When Chris asked me yesterday if I needed anything from the PX, I said some party horns/noise makers. You know, the cardboard horn things. Well he came home without those but sooo much more! All of the things in the green packaging, he got. :P Also, you can see some of the travel sized stuff I purchased. Don't forget the sunblock!

There are still several things to get done. We will need the most recent update of our home study (because it's being finished now...). We need to print off a gajillion different things. We need to get crisp $100 bills, dated 2001 and sooner to exchange. Oh and I need to do laundry!

But for now, I'm going to eat some breakfast and sit on my butt because, as I said earlier, I feel like poo.

We have a court date!!

Wow oh wow!

So we thought we would be traveling sometime in January for our court date...wrong!!
We travel two days after Thanksgiving!!!
This would be a pretty lame blog post if I didn't fill you in on the story right? OK here it is...

We knew when we got matched that the courts were closed for the rainy season. Over the past two years we would get an email telling us when they closed and again when they opened back up...

The scene: K-9 Kennels on Ft Leavenworth
Occasion: Unit Activation Ceremony (Army talk, I know, a whole other blog!)
When: October 24th around 11:00

We're all standing around mingling, waiting for the ceremony to begin. I grab my phone to put it on silent. I notice I have an email. It's from Holt. Our case has been submitted to the courts for a date....

The scene: The PX (Army store, like a Walmart without the groceries and with name brand stuff)
Occasion: Killing time before I meet my friend to take a financial class on Post
When: November 7th, around 1:30

I'm walking through the clothing section at the PX.  I look at my phone and see that I have an email.  It's from Holt. It says "Congratulations, you've been assigned a court date in Ethiopia of November 27, 2012!".  I stop and say (loudly) "OH MY..".  An employee is standing nearby and asks if I'm OK. I answered "yeah?" then "yeah.".  Then I walk away shaking.

We get to meet him. We get to finally meet him. All these years of wondering what our child will look like and now we get to hold him. Hug him. Kiss him. Make hand gestures to try and communicate with him. Give him some new clothes. A photo book of his new family. A story book with our voices reading it to him.

I walked around the store for about 10 minutes then go out to my car and pull to the back of the parking lot where I'm to meet my friend so we can go to our class. I'm parked facing the entrance to the main stores on Post so there are a lot of people driving by that can see me...I'm bawling by now. Happy, but bawling. I call my sister and apologize for not being able to go to Orlando to visit her for Thanksgiving. Being the awesome person that she is, she's happy for us and says it's no big deal and it's totally worth it. As soon as my friend gets there, I simply hand her my phone with the email pulled up. She looks at me, sees I've been crying and is a little speechless at first (or I was still in shock and simply didn't hear anything she said :P).  Chris is back down in Ft Leonard Wood for SRT training (military SWAT). He hardly ever had cell reception so I texted him. He got the text just as they were about to do a drill. I didn't want him to be distraced and not do well so I sent another text assuring him that I would have everything under control.

The next day I woke up quite early for me, 7am. It was too early to get much done but I had a list. 1. Call the travel agent Holt provided. 2. Find out what we need to do for visas. 3. Call preventive medicine on Post and schedule for immunizations. 
Well the travel agency is in the Pacific Time Zone and opened at 8am (10am) for me.  The Ethiopian Embassy in DC wasn't answering their phone and I was having a hard time finding the phone number fore preventive medicine on Post!! 
Thanks to some other ET adoptive friends, I found out we can get our visas in the airport when we land. I finally found the phone number for preventive medicine and now know that we can just walk in for our shots. I took a nap. Shortly after 10am, I called the travel agency and booked our flights!
Then I called the dogsitter and changed our booking from the week of Thanksgiving to the week after, called the Vet on Post and scheduled to get the kennel cough vaccine for the dogs, went onto the United Airlines website and signed up for the frequent flyers program, found our passports, forwarded our intinerary to Holt, talked to the director of Africa programs at Holt and booked our hotel (through her) and got other answers to questions I had AND added the travel dates to our white board calendar! I'm sure there is more I got done but it's a bit of a blurr now.

The trip will be very short and we will only get to spend a few short, precious hours with him.

We leave on Saturday, November 24th (Yeah, in two weeks!), mid morning...arrive in Addis Ababa (where we will be staying) late in the evening on Sunday.  We get to meet Ephraim on Monday, have our court date on Tuesday and play tourist on Wednesday the leave late Wednesday night and return home Thursday evening. Ouch. (Some families leave the same day of their court date!)

I don't know if we will get to spend more time with Ephraim on Tuesday or Wednesday but I hope so.  I think I may need to bring a half full suitcase so I can fill it up with stuff to bring home! We want to have things in our home to remind us of Ethiopia and the culture.

I think the next two weeks are going to fly by so fast I'm not even going to remember baking pumpkin pies or eating way too much turkey. Even with Chris' deployments, I don't think I've ever wanted time to fly so fast as I do now. I'm pushing back tears as I proof read this even, I'm not sure when they'll stop...April maybe??

WE HAVE A MATCH!!

Could it possibly be that I have something to write about?!?!?!  Ok so I could have written at least two blogs since the last one but I was so disappointed I didn't. 

First thing I could have written about is that Chris came home from his deployment safe and sound! He came home December 24, 2011.

that's not red eye from the camera, I was crying...

Not long after he came home we got right to work on updating our home study.  It had expired in November and we had a new social worker so of course Chris needed to be there for the update.  That update included an interview and the re-taking of our fingerprints for the Missouri State Highway Patrol...ugh.  After the home study was updated, we had to renew our USCIS I-600A form (yeah just trust me on that one).  THAT included getting our fingerprints re-taken as well but at least that was free. ;)

The second thing I could have written about is that we've moved!! Chris needed a command position so we had to get out of Dodge for that to happen.  So we've moved to the beautiful Leavenworth, Kansas.  The post looks like a park! So pretty, I cannot wait for fall colors!  I don't have a picture of our house but it's quite cute, a two story brick colonial with a HUGE fenced in back yard.

So what am I writing about now? Well if you haven't been able to tell by the title of this blog, we have been referred (assigned) a child!!!  I know what you're thinking, "wait, they wanted two?!"  Well the agency hasn't seen siblings in over a year. We knew that a single child was a possibility and we are not disappointed in the least. 

So now that it's not so painful, I can vent a little about how hard it's been lately. We were very close to our breaking point. Right after we moved, we got a letter from Holt (that was sent to all in Ethiopia program) updating us on how things were moving. They were still working on matching families who had their dossier in January 2011, ours was in April 2011. They had been working on January for over four months. They said how many children they were able to place the previous month (single digit) and a little on why things were so slow. Then there was another page in there explaining how you can switch to either the China or the Korea program. Chris and I were not in the least tempted, as frustrated and worn down as we were, we knew God had us choose Ethiopia for a reason. There were other things that made us angry or sad but we won't get into that. ;)
I was finally starting to get out of the mind set that "it" would be happening soon. I feel like my life has been on hold for seven years. I've always had the mind set that "I'll be pregnant soon" then that became "we'll get a call soon" so I hesitated to make long term plans or get a serious job.

Well Friday, September 14, 2012 at 3pm, I get a phone call from Eugene, OR. I saw where the call was from and I thought that maybe it had to do with updating our home study (because of the move). NOPE! It was the program director calling with the news of Ephraim. Even though they are still working on January dossiers, we are the first ones on the list wanting a child as old as 5, (we actually had 6 down!). I instantly called Chris and said "get home now, get home now, get home now!!" He was a little confused but I explained and he came home as fast as he could! We looked at his pictures together and read what little information they gave us and instantly knew he was ours.


So is it a boy or a girl? How old? When will you see him/her?

So many questions, just hang on geesh!

We have been matched with a five year old boy named Ephraim.  He is beautiful! Due to the rules of the Ethiopian program, I cannot post any pictures until he is home with us.  Some of you I've been able to email or text a photo so if you would like to see him, just let me know. ;)  

We are unsure when we will get to see him but given the history of time lines, it should be January, December at the earliest.  Our first visit will be for an Ethiopian court date where we will be granted permission to adopt Ephraim. 

Our second visit should be about 2-3 months later.  In the mean time, his visa and passport will be processing.  On our second visit, we will have an appointment with the US Embassy to get their permission to bring Ephraim back to the US with us as a citizen.  (or something like that)


We know that this next six months or so will be difficult to wait but he will be worth it. :)

Today we mailed off our acceptance packet along with the country fee payment (that's the super big one). We took a little photo before, since my dossier one was so messed up!

I promise to keep y'all more updated on things as we go along.  At least now when someone asks "how's the adoption going?" I don't have to hold back tears of sadness, I can say "GREAT!"